View Single Post
Old 08-09-2006, 09:28 AM   #39
K Stewart
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 9
United_States
Offline
Re: Unsupportive spouse

Thanks for all the input. I appreciate it.

Should we call this "Dear Aikido Abby"?

I would like him to train with me, but he's got bone-on-bone arthritis in one knee and rotator cuff problems. Probably the pain isn't doing anything to improve his outlook on life and he's not happy about how much his activity has been decreased compared with a few years ago so I emphathize with that. But still....

We are instituting date nights (tonight's the first) to go do something, even if it's just a drive. So that's progress and hopefully will help him feel less, what, left out?

I will consider going alternate Friday nights, but you're right -- we have to DO something if I take the night off training. Sitting on the couch doesn't count!

I wonder if (at least part of) the issue is that I am changing, in a good way, I believe, but there has been change. I'm more assertive, more willing to voice an opinion -- but not be confrontational -- just overall have a more centered and grounded approach. He sees that, feels that, and is scared by it or something. Ironically, I think he also likes the change in some ways, but it's still threatening (?) for whatever reason.

Yes, mutual support is a huge part of a marriage. Without it there's not much to pin your hat on. I give him the support to do what would make him happy and he doesn't do it. I think being supportive of my practice follows the same path. I will do what I need to to compromise where necessary and still practice, but I feel it needs to be reciprocal, and so far it's been pretty much me expected to change my plans to meet his.

Blend, blend, blend....

I am doing my best to look at this as another way to practice my off-the-mat Aikido. And, Aikido is just not something I will give up so we'll have to find a way to work it in.

BTW, I am very happy for those of you with mutually supportive spouses/SOs. I never want to be a spouse who says "You can't do x, y, or z" or grant permission for him to do something. Ick. As long as the activity isn't immoral, illegal, or fattening, I encourage him to do things that make him happy. That's what it's supposed to be about! I just need to work on the "mutually" part of the equation.

Thanks again!
  Reply With Quote