I'm sorry that you felt that attempting to join the Army would have made you a senseless killing machine, but those we're your thoughts.
Let me clear up. I did by no means think it would make me a brainless killing machine. I am sorry if I gave this impression. I wanted to join so I could have the opportunity to kill people. Not become some murdering psycho. ( In a sense) and I sensed this in myself and, yes, I decided the armed services weren't for me at this time. I came to the realization that I was going to go in for the wrong reasons. If I decide to take the step and join I hope it will be for the right reasons this time. To protect the country the best way I can. I just decided that I didn't want to do something that will feed the destructive side of me. Go to the Spiritual forum and read The Aiki Spirit and the Two Wolves, you will see what I mean. I do feel that if I or my loved ones were threatened that the right thing to do is defend them, even if it means the destruction of another life. But I no longer feel in any way, shape or form that it is right to seek out the steps to take another's life. I hope this helps and is relevant to the post and clears up any mis-conceptions about myself. It takes years to build a reputation but only moments to tear it down.