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Old 02-17-2005, 10:16 PM   #12
Location: St. George, UT
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 44
Re: The Real World: How to Reconcile?

You know, about a year ago I had a decision to make. I wanted to go into the army, the reasons are as follows.
1. There was a war going on
2. The job I wanted to do was one that would defiantly be sent to war
3. I wanted to fight.
4. I wanted to kill.
5. I wanted to purposely cause extreme bodily harm to other individuals just for the h*** of it. Cause I wanted to.

Days before I was to sign my life away for government use I thought hard about where I want my life years from now. I always knew I wanted to get married and have a family, to lead a happy life with my spouse. I started to think, maybe I won't be so happy with myself if I put myself in a position to do the horrible things I mentioned earlier, maybe I will miss what it is I want out of this life. I fortunately took another route with my life and I am happier for that decision. Well about two months later I was walking around my college campus at night; I had just gotten off work and was walking home. I turned a corner and standing in a stairwell was a man in black with a ski mask on and what looked like an assault rifle in his arms. You know what I did? Well first I stopped and just looked at him for a moment. Then I decided that if I ran he would defiantly shoot. So I looked him in the eye and smiled, nodded my head to him and walked about an arms length away from him just right on passed him. I can not tell you the dread I felt when I passed him, I thought I would see out of the corner of my eye the gun being raised and me feeling a bullet in my back. But no, I turned the corner and walked away. I called the police after I was sure I was well away from the person.
This got me thinking. At first I wanted to go and kill people, and then I come find here in my hometown there are people that might be willing to kill others without remorse. I always knew there were those kinds of people out there, but like everyone else I never gave it much thought. Well after this incident I became more and more aware that I myself don't think I could do anything like this. And did I do the right thing? I just walked away! I mean I took a hard martial art for 10 years. I have been taught how to kill people with one powerful strike. And yet I walked away. As time passed I became happier and happier with my decision. I don't want to hurt anyone. Yes, there are people out there that will hurt people. But I won't. It has to start somewhere, and one person does make a difference. What if I went to Iraq and killed even one person? My decision those months ago affected many people. If I had killed someone, well it certainly would have made a difference to him. How about to his family, friends, children. Think about that person, and imagine if he died when if he had lived would have had even one more child, I would have killed that child, the child's children and so on and so on. And even the other side, I might have been killed, and that would most assuredly have an effect on me. =0)
So people will still be out there that prey on others but always remember the decisions you make do have an effect. I feel the budo way to cope with this is just to make my life the best I can and try and do my best to make my presence the most positive I can. Some tips to prevent these kinds of situations are to walk with purpose, make eye contact and smile. Shifty people, murderers, rapists, and so one don't make eye contact because after that they might start sympathizing with their victims. If someone really worries you go and introduce yourself. I would suggest using a fake name though. Just "Hi! My names Amanda what's yours?" Just personalizing with someone reduces your risk of being victim of those lightning quick attacks. I think the budo way is just to live your life the best you can cause you can't get the attention of all the horrible, bad people out there and change them. But if enough people start being nice and pleasant with the people they meet it will catch and the bad people will still be there but maybe before some turn bad someone else has touched their lives enough for them to make a better decision.
I know this is a long winded answer, I apologize, but I hope it has helped. I think I touched on what you asked. If this doesn't make sense to you ask I'll explain better. I am not very proud of why I wanted to go into the army but I took no action and have changed my views, and that makes me happy with myself.
I hope you are happy with your decision, look at it this way. It happened, nothing you do can change that. Emotionally someone was hurt, physically no one was hurt. Ideally no one getting hurt at all is best, but at least you don't have the added emotional conflict if you had killed him, or even maimed him. So please, feel happy with what you did. There is no right answer or solution to something like this, but you did one of the best things you could do. I hope I have helped.

Be the water, not the rock
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