This is indeed an interesting thread! Those who have read my posts will already be aware of the fact that the majority of my training has been done outside a dojo. Now that I am finally attending an Aikido dojo, I feel like a square peg in a round hole to be honest!
It is true, that my reasons for training "formally" now
are simply to get me out of the flat (as I am Agoraphobic) and hopefully help me to overcome my fear of being around people in general. At the moment, I'm not even thinking beyond that. Presently, going to the dojo
, in itself, is a huge step forward for me. Whether I am actually relaxed enough while there, to learn Aikikai is still a concern for me.
The instructor and many of the members know of my condition - although few will actually be fully aware of how debilitating they are for me. Yes, I am the odd one out. Not just because of my Mental Health problems, but also because of my 20 or so years of "unorthodox" training. I do find it difficult to be the "clone",
as was suggested, as I have already developed my own style of "self-defense" after so many years training. I am finding it difficult to conform.
Therefore, for now, I must stick to my own "selfish" agenda, which is to use "going to Aikido" as therapy.
This is my take on this issue.