1) I would think of myself as nage, not uke in a real situation.
2) Receiving and giving in totally teaches you to LET GO, mentally and physically.
3) You need to learn to take ukemi freely in preparation for executing Kaishi waza (counter/continuation techniques).
With respect, if you did not know these things, maybe you should go and find a Shihan as suggested. You have been training a while now and now it would seem you need a higher level input. I hope this helps.