excellent thoughts!!! yes. i wrestled with wanting to kill my father for years. he deserved it. sound sick? sorry.
when he killed himself, people assumed i had murdered him. you want to talk about 'the thing'?
i know that thing. when someone you trust attacks you in your sleep and chokes you until you pass out you think you are dying - you get a 'thing'.
long road for me. but i shared that stuff as a credential for recommending a book called 'waking the tiger'. it is about curing post traumatic stress disorder through simple meditation. no need to suffer. the therapy works, and it's free.