This was sent to me as an office joke and I just hacked it to fit a dojo setting though any similarity to any dojo you may have trained at is strictly coincidental.
The senior student noticed a new student, motioned him over, and asked "What is your name?" "John," the new guy replied.
The senior scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you trained at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to kohai by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling." "Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."