taras

I found this on the Russian web and I though I just had to post it. Sorry for the mistakes, it's a quick translation.

- The art of Kickthell-do is not effective.
- What do you mean it's not effective? There is a very strong school in Major Worms village, their kickthehell-do is very impressive.
- That's not kickthehell-do! I am talking about the classical kickthehell-do. And it isn't effective. While whatever it is they do in Major Worms should not be called kickthehell-do. The classical kickthehell-do is a joke.
- Well, you train in the Twistapinky style, but any heavy weight boxer can knock you out no problem, and you won't get a chance to use your supper-extra-complicated Twistapinky techniques.
- If he is a better fighter then yes ...
- See! If your MA doesn't work against a better fighter then it's a joke!
- I practice Snap-Click ...
- And who is your instructor? What dan is he? Where did he train, and where did his instructor train?
- His name's John ...
- (interrupting) Then know this! Snap-Click was founded by Chinese master X, and he had three students A, B and C. A opened a Snap Click school in Korea, but removed all effective moves out of it and turned it into a joke. B had two students Y and Z. Y opened his own school but because he was small he got rid of all the kicks, making accent on throws, and turned Snap-Click into a joke. Z founded the Snap-Click Federation but for safety reasons decided to use gloves and turned Snap-Click into a joke. C had three students D, E and F. D founded his own style but changed it instead of Snap-Click started practicing Click-Snap. E was no good, and all the schools that his students opened in the US and Europe are not Snap-Click, but a mixture of jujutsu and box. And only F preserved Snap-Click as thought by master X, and he taught it to James and Colin. James has retired while Colin has a certificate and teaches Snap-Click, that is where I train! Nobody else has a certificate and whatever it is they call Snap-Click is a joke!
- I watched a training session of kickyouhard-jutsu. One person climbs on another's shoulders, while he does ten pressups. What kind of idiot would attack by climbing your shoulders? And the press-ups! And would like to see them do the press-ups on a kick boxer! And they do ukemi also!
- That's just exercises to strengthen the muscles and develop coordination. Nobody will use that in a fight. That's when you use combat techniques..
- If you split your techniques into combat and exercises then your MA is a joke! OUR techniques can all be used in a fight, that's why our art is real. Anyone can train in our style for six months and defend themselves in the streets. What would they do in your style? Drop on the floor and do press-ups? And then do an ukemi?
- Taekwondo is more a ballet than an MA, wushu is health exercises, karate is conditioned and wouldn't help in a fight. Aikido - you can't be serious. Jujutsu only helps in specific situations; and boxing won't help against a wrestler unless you knock him out with your first punch. And wrestling is no good against a good kick boxer.
- So what do you do yourself then?
- I do a real MA.
- Which one?
- What's the difference? You might call it a system of self-defense with elements of wrestling plus some special moves. Name doesn't change anything. I know that this is a real MA but don't see the point in trying to prove it to anyone. I train for my own good and not in order to show off. So, it doesn't matter what I do.

(c) Russian original by Panda