Dave Organ wrote:
Because now; aikido not only makes sense to me; it fits and indeed supports self defence and defensive theory. The two go hand in hand like old friends. Now; while I still train in ki-aikido; I also train in my own way. Literally weeks ago; I struggled with a resistant uke during ikkyo - now I send him flying just by turning my hand over. I don't try any techniques; I don't look for moves that'll bring a particular technique happening; I just accept uke's energy; let it go where it will and turn it to a place of my choosing. I try to move like a water-wave; giving uke no resistance; nor force. I just get out of the way and let him move into a position where he falls.
Much of Aikido sems to me like learning to ride a bike. When you can't do it, it seems very difficult. When you are falling into the bushes or falling off and skinning your knees it seems almost impossible. Then the instant it clicks for you and you start riding, it goes deep into your body. You could not ride for years and get back on and ride without a problem.
There are times in your practice, if you stick with it long enough, that things will suddenly click and you shift to a whole different level. My own Aikido is completely different than it was three years ago. When that happens it's very much like the descriptions you read of kensho experiences in Zen. You look at it and you go "Wow; it was there all along. It was so simple, why couldn't I get it?."
It sounds like you have made one of those shifts. Congratulations! That's a big deal in your training. Not everybody trains hard enough to have a big shift like that. Often they have a series of little shifts over the years. But it sounds like you've had a big one. Have fun seeing where it takes you.