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Old 05-07-2004, 01:40 AM   #46
Kenny's Avatar
Dojo: City Aikido
Location: San Francisco
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 9
Circle Re: Poll: Should an aikido instructor date a student of theirs?

Wow this question has everything going for it, sex, drugs, violence... Well two out of three ain't bad!

I'm very curious about the wording of this one.
A more neutral poll would have asked "Is it OK" or will it harm the teaching or something less loaded than should.
Were we late and in a hurry or did we know that many martial arts teachers date there students and in spite of the large failure rate of those relationships many martial arts teachers do end up marrying one of their students.
I'd like to see the followup polls
To students:
How many students think it's OK to tell their teachers, hey please keep your stinky relationship mess out of the dojo (respectfullly of course), because I agree with those who say you have to keep it out but if no one is brave enough to tell you when you're over the line then how will you know if you're over the line?
If you've ever dated a martial arts teacher over all would you rate that relationship better or worse than your relationship with people who were not your martial arts teacher.

How many teachers who think it's OK to date their students think it's OK for the other students to let you know when you are making your personal relationship a dojo issue because if you don't explicitly tell your senior students something like, "if my sexual relationship(s) with one/some of the student(s) becomes an issue for the dojo I expect you to let me know about it." then as a teacher you are more than likely going to harm your dojo on your way to finding your perfect mate.

Like some of the previous posters I've seen quite a few student/teacher and student/sensei relationships and of course many of them are messy and all of my favorite teachers are as far as I can tell in very happy stable marriages with former students.

I think we should remember the lesson we learned from Bruce Klickstien who sexually abused his underage students, I've seen some of the damage he caused and it's deplorable. I think we should remember that mentor/apprentice relationships are rife with potential for abuse, and I think we should remember that in a free country consenting adults are allowed to date whomever they chose.

And BTW yes I have followed my own advice and when I saw relationships that were stinking up the dojo I respectfully voiced my opinion and my opinion was listened to; and probably in no way due to my actions the stink finally went away and the dojo lost another student!
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