My experience with soft styles (and the reason I left) had more to do with uke than nage. I saw people taking ukemi before they were thrown, before their balance or center was taken and just because that was what was expected of them. Weak attacks which were anticipating the technique. The general atmosphere from my perspective was one of false security or confidence.
I'm not saying that uke should "feel the throw" becuse that's too late. Uke has given up control of the situation. But as soon as uke's balance or center is taken, he should take ukemi to escape the technique... if that makes any sense.
So for me hard and soft have less to do with technique than with ukemi.