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Dear Rachel,
Your wrote: "5) constant reminders to 'soften'; 6) constant reminders to stop gritting teeth"
We're all different, but for me, this would probably make me very stiff, tense and I'd grit my teeth! Sometimes too much attention to tension causes tension! Perhaps if you ignore the student's tension and stiffness, the student will relax and do better, even if the student asks for you attention to his tension. There may be all sorts of factors here beside the merely physical which would cause attention to the tension/stiffness to actually be counterproductive.
Peace.
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