I've talked about this with people in our dojo who have to deal with real life & death stress in their daily lives. Police, emergency room doctors, emergency medical tech. etc. All of them have said that their aikido gradings have been some of their most stressful times.
Ok, if that's what they say. But one should get better at something over time --- given an acceptable training method. We could expect that someone's ukemi will be much better after 5 years, than it was in the first year. Seem reasonable?
In the same way, I think it reasonable that if someone feels "performance anxiety" for their first exam, they shouldn't feel the same degree of anxiety for their fifth exam. If they do, I suspect there is a coaching
I would say the same about self-doubt. If the training method doesn't give the student a good indication of what they are capable of, there is a problem with the training method and/or the coaching that is provided to the student.
Are these unreasonable expectations?