is he sleeping?
should i follow that by poking a few sleeping bears and see if they understand the whole non violence scenario?
i don't consider a normal degree of force as violence until it crosses the line to actually hurting your training partner.
i don't like to train 'soft'. Sometimes i get stuck with "i'll tone it down cause she's a girl" which is sweet and very gentlemanly but if i get attacked on the street i won't be extended the same courtesy.
as for the amount of violence I'd use in a real life attack: as much as necessary to stop being hurt.
I don't train to learn how to hurt someone. I train to learn how not to get hurt. Its comforting to know that should someone want to thump me, I'll have a few options.