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Old 12-29-2000, 05:40 PM   #29
Chris Li
Chris Li's Avatar
Dojo: Aikido Sangenkai
Location: Honolulu, Hawaii
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,300
Aikidoka2000 wrote:
It looks as though you may be misunderstanding the entire issue.
It has nothing to do with humiliation. Who mentioned such a thing but you?
If someone feels humiliated from being held accountable, then they are as well
missing the point of being held accountable. No one can humiliate someone who
does not feel guilty about their actions.
It has nothing to do with accountability, it has to do with how you treat people. And yes, it's entirely impossible to treat somebody in a humiliating manner regardless of whether or not they feel guilty about their actions.


A point: If you have a good friend who clearly is treading down the wrong path,
would you say something to your friend even though he/she may be offended and
stop being your friend? I submit to you that this is one of the very pillars of
friendship. It is one of the most uncomfortable things a friend can do, which is to
keep a friend accountable for their own actions.
In my view, to do anything less is to have sold your friend out completely.
I never said that you should say or do nothing, I objected to your methods. As everyone knows, it's not just saying something to your friend, but what you say and how you say it. The wrong thing, or the right thing said the wrong way, will have no effect, or even worse, a negative effect.

What I say and whether I say anything at all depends on the level of the problem at hand as well. After all, we're not talking about drug addiction here.


*With respect to being late:
Of course there are exceptions, i.e., a job that runs late or a schedule issue. These
types of issues can be addressed and accommodated by the Sensei. In those
cases, the student is not really "late" but just has an altered schedule that the
Sensei is aware of. But this is not what I was referring to. I speak of student who
are habitually late, and offers one lame excuse after another. Again, the issue is
not really about being late, but what is BEHIND the action of being late. This is
what accountability addresses. I don't think being denied participation in a class
for habitual lateness is treating someone like a child. It is done every day. What
would happen if you showed up late for work each day? You indeed one day
would be "sent home" -For good. Point is, don't blame the person holding you
accountable for his/her actions. look inward so see the problem.
In friendship,
I've fired people for lateness, but it's also been my experience that in almost all cases threats and denied rewards make very little difference and create a lot of ill will. I've also found that almost anybody will respond favorably if treated reasonably and respectfully.


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