As long as you think of it in that context, then you will have difficulty seeing what
the real issue is. Think about your statement for a moment. Note the the issue was
all about you. You seem that you don't want to be treated like an 8 year old. Yet
no one mentioned that. Does keeping people accountable seem juvenile or
belittling to you?
I have nothing against accountability, what I'm talking about is treating people with respect. There are many ways to encourage accountability without treating an adult as if they were a child.
You may see this as an issue of control, but it is not. It is an
issue to help you grow. Sometimes it is hard to see a spot on our own nose. We
need one another to tell us of these issues we each have. No one is exempt.
So if you were the teacher of a class and you were late for some reason then the students would be justified in sending you home?
Let us take this scenario:
1. Student shows up to class 15 minutes late twice a week or more.
2. Sensei asks student to please notice the time.
3. Student says "sorry" or "yes, Sensei I will." but still is habitually late.
4. So the issue of disrupting the class is a real one, but marginal in the long run, as
the root issue is not about them so much as the student with the problem. What is
going on in that student's life that he/she is late all the time? It is a sure bet that
such an issue is presenting itself in other aspects of their life.
Well, it might be, or it might just be that they have a job that often requires overtime, or that they have some kind of personal reason that they're not comfortable sharing with you.
I've trained in many dojo where people are late (sometimes very late) for various reasons, and I've never seen it become a serious problem, either with the class or with the individual.
Frankly, if someone is late because they don't take the training seriously then they probably won't continue in the long term anyway, so sending them home probably won't make any difference other then pushing them out the door faster.
5. It would be the easy path to let the student "off the hook" and not bother with
his issue. The hard path of compassion is to keep the student accountable for
his/her actions in the hope that the will look at the issue internally, and as you may
know, the first step in growth, is to realize where we are in need of it.
Perhaps you feel as if no one has the right to keep you accountable. If so, that
means that you are perfect and not in need of growth, yes? I think it would be
safe to assume that that statement is false for each and every one of us.
The reality of your statement , (please muse on it for your own benefit) is one of
As I said, there are ways to keep people accountable that don't involve humiliation or treating them like children. As far as that goes, how much ego is involved in the decision that you have the right to treat someone in a humiliating manner in order to correct a "problem" that you really may know nothing about? What you're doing in that situation is placing yourself in a position above the other person, a position in which you are justified in passing judgments on their behavior and dealing out humiliating corrections. Sounds like the ego of the teacher, not the student.