You can either face up to the challenges of your life or walk away from them.
You want it both ways; a Group environment where you are comfortable and a place that trains "closer to the edge".
You didn't like the group environment , and you didn't like the less gung ho training environment;
Why should you do anything about it?
C'mon take responsiblity for your life. I can empathize with your pain for a bout 3 seconds.
If you don't like Aikido fine do something else.
If you like Aikido and don't like your environment do something about it.
And if you don't want advice, then pray tell what you want. conmiseartion? applause for your high standards?
I used to train with a guy who thought everyone was an idiot . He could do no wrong, and wanted to teach everyone to be less of an idiot. He finally got bored and left after two months training. I wonder what happened to him.