Your dojo sounds a lot like my work environment. I am okay with my work environment being intense, cliquish and success-oriented, because I am really committed to doing my job very, very well and want to be surrounded by like-minded people. I take the popularity contest issue as an unfortunate side-effect of having a group of peers that can handle my own intensity and who are consistently spurring me to work harder.
I go to a nice dojo because I want to escape my work environment. What do you want to do?