Violence is a seeming. I guess all things are seemings: this was a tree, but then it became lumber, and now it is a table. One day it will be firewood. My point is that what I 'see' as violence in me will not necessarily 'seem' violent to someone else and sometimes I will experience myself as loving and caring while my partner may experience me as threatening and violent.
I've heard it said that when AiKiDo is done at the highest level, the uke should feel like they happened to stumble or slip and not like they were thrown. If this is true, the uke might not experience me as violent at all, but if I was uncaring or even purposefully hurtful in my technique, I might recognize a lot of violence in my self and choose to confront it.
Obviously the other thing happens to me all the time: I think I'm being loving and gentle, but my uke things I'm forcing the technique and trying to throw them.