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Old 12-27-2002, 04:07 AM   #13
Thalib
 
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Dojo: 合気研究会
Location: Jakarta Selatan
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 504
Indonesia
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I ramble a lot of times... I just rambled with an old friend of mine that called me on a whim. We talked about life.

I see the problem you have communicating with your wife about this. It's like it might made her think that, "it's OK for you, but not for me."

I'm not married, but I don't believe I need to be in order to have this experience. I know exactly how you feel. And what I did then was just be honest and be sincere about it. Sit down and talk about it. This is quite an important issue in any relationship, marriage, friends, even associates. It will affect your life one way or another.

Since about a couple of years ago, I started having this type of conversations with many people. Some listened and get into a discussion, some ignored me, sometimes, some even despised me. But I needed to say what I needed to say.

In many of my conversations I contradicted myself several times. I might say one thing but then disagree with myself later on and then agree again. It's not that I can't make up my mind, being wishy washy, being a hypocrite, or having a split personality, it's that I see more than one side of the issue.

The reason I communicate different sides, it is because I don't want to be a hypocrite. What I say might be true and helpful in one situation, but it might be destructive in another. Life is dynamic, it is ever-flowing and changing. We might think of one thing, but then we are faced with a situation that demanded change. There are too many sides to see and too many decisions to make.

I have to be responsible for the things that I have done and what I have said.

I'm rambling again, I don't even remember what I was going to say.

People might see me having a holier-than-thou attitude. But it is quite the contrary, it is because I know that I am so imperfect in many ways, I am weaker than most (not talking strength-wise here), that made me have many of these conversations. Hoping that in one of these communications I would have some type of enlightenment.

Don't just talk with your wife about it, Tibbetts-san, communicate with her about it. Share your feelings. You are different then who you were 2 years ago. You might find some resentment, but only for a short while. I believe she might appreciate it more that now you could feel what she is feeling.

One of Aikido's strength comes from being able to empathize with others.

This is getting too long, and I just start rambling and others probably would not know what the heck am I writing about, what is my point. I am now lost for words... Just having indescribable (did I wrote that correctly) feelings. Perhaps due to the conversation I just had with my friend.

When I have to die by the sword, I will do so with honor.
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