rugwithlegs

There is a lot to unpack here. I do have to ask if English is a second language for you? It can lead to misunderstandings on the mat, but also misunderstandings when I read what you wrote.

The one sentence above, it reads like you were asked/corrected about doing something repeatedly, and when he said he was going to "be a black belt" (stupid choice of words), you deliberately acted how you had been asked not to. I know beginners can get curious, but best to not explore that with a complete stranger, and not when you think they are already getting triggered. I will explore and test with good friends who are in a happy mood. Again, your choice of words is what I am going by and maybe this isn't really what you mean to say. But always a good idea to follow the sensei instead of testing each other, especially as a beginner.

The philosophy of aikido is murky and not across the board as Mary says. Interpretations are not consistent. You and everyone else in the world will get angry from time to time. Can we avoid getting angry is a big important part of life. For example, I did practice a lot of arm breaking movements coming up, it was fun and safe and we looked after each other. Other dojo do not do this.

There was quite a bit of anger at your sensei for not being more loudly and publicly on your side? Again, I am reluctant to interpret that because this doesn't seem to be your primary language and maybe this is not what you meant. But, working quietly can be better for the dojo. You got angry and scared, but I understand you were never harmed by this man who was older and trained for longer than you?

You're leaving high school now. I left high school to work in a jail. How I proceeded was about me, not about them - of course they didn't act well all the time, of course they didn't do right. There was no more principal's office, no referees and no one to blow a whistle. It's a hard transition.

I have a student I need to meet with this morning. He is always doing stuff wrong - no quotes, it can be a real thing. He likes to fight against kaitenage by standing tall or leaning back, and gets scared when I switch to shihonage or iriminage instead. Or, sucks in his arm on shihonage and then is surprised when I go for his head. I do tell him when he makes one thing impossible, another gets very easy. This is a real and important lesson, and I hope to get it through to this black belt candidate soon! Aiki is about fitting together, not me trying to make something work when I shouldn't.

Keeping your distance from a stranger you may never see again is a good thing.

You cannot control this guy, so I am looking at things that you can control. Otherwise, there is no way to have a better outcome next time.