"I just want to be thrown in a manner that is not abusive, and his style wasn't it. "
I think I've had a similar experience. A couple of guys I've trained with tend to add a little extra "juice" to the end of techinques like kokyu ho, even after I'm off my feet and headed toward the mat. Adds downward velocity to my fall, which could be dangerous to an uke that can't take that fall. Anyway, kinda vicious and unnecessary in my book, if that's what you meant.
I've tried the following. When it's my turn, I throw once with a soft ending, ie, just enough to get the job done. Then, I throw once with a litte something added at the end, same as I've been getting, and then pause and look at him afterward. Hasn't completely sunk in yet, but usually he's better for a while.