Re: Kotegaeshi, help please
Since it came up, I'll throw out 2 considerations:
1. Static training is the practice of moving in unison, regardless of what your partner is doing. The theory is the lack of a vector of force should allow nage to focus more on what she is supposed to be doing and less on what her partner is doing. The absence of force should not prevent movement.
2. The assigned role of nage (and uke) is to facilitate the education process, not pre-determine a winner. Ultimately, it is not relevant who "attacks" first, aside for the fact the the initiator statistically has a strong advantage.
In my experience, "real" attacks are actually going to feel more like a static attack... the premise being that your attacker is not going to over-extend her attack or give you a unique vector of energy, making the attack feel less like they are "giving you energy". Rather, a good component of the attack is going to be designed around veiling the attack itself. Just because you don't feel threatened doesn't mean there isn't a threat - it just means you can't feel the threat.
Keep it simple. Kotegaeshi is a common kata that gives us the opportunity for irrimi, tenkan, and affecting the body through a joint. The best ones I have felt neither required my participation, nor could I defend the movement. Don't mistake form for application; I would work very hard to prevent my partner from isolating my wrist if we were not practicing form.
For much of our training, our kansetsu waza is based upon pain compliance - at some point your partner needs to make a concessionary decision to preserve their safety. The problem is that sometimes that decision is a poor one, which places nage in a difficult position. If nage is correctly performing the technique, this kinda leaves only 2 options: nage abates and the technique "fails", nage continues and injuries uke. Neither feedback is desirable and what's worse, option one gives the impression the technique did not work, which is untrue .We used to distinguish between "exercising" our joints (resisting) and receiving an applied technique (kata).
Hooker sensei used to compare the unity of aiki to math. We need 100% aiki. If my partner gives me 50, then I need to do 50. If my partner gives me 90, I only need 10. If my partner gives me 10... Don't let static get to you, that just means you need to do 100% aiki.