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Old 02-06-2014, 06:47 AM   #7
lbb
Location: Massachusetts
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,800
United_States
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Re: How do you deal with.....

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I agree with you ibb and the more i think and the more time has passed the more i am thinking that she could have just said what she did out of pain from standing up or something like that. But a pain inspired "effing heck" sounds different than what i heard which was a muffled, quit and soft under the breath type of "effing heck". This could not have been as a result of me being too hard on the uke either as i far too soft on people out of fear of hurting them.
Again, this is an elaborate story. Can you try reversing the roles for a minute? Imagine someone else making up a story like this about something you'd done -- a casual remark, a look, something like that. Imagine someone else deciding what you "could not have" meant by it and what you "could not have" experienced in that situation, and judging you accordingly. Imagine that they've decided all kinds of things about your attitude and your character. How does it feel? Does it perhaps feel as if you'd like to have a chance to tell your side of the story, rather than the other party making it up for you and deciding that things "could not have been" any different?

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I dont know. I am very sensitive to that kind of criticism if indeed it was directed my way.
And if it wasn't directed your way, if it wasn't criticism at all? Being "very sensitive" to bad data is a sure way to come to a lot of incorrect conclusions.

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
I will let it go and hope it does not happen again. What was said is out of this persons character as well from what i have seen of them so this makes it ever more strange. What i do not want is animosity or bad feelings towards each other on the mat. I can let this go even though i ate me up earlier.
Letting it eat you up was a mistake. Maybe you can "let it go", but I predict if this happens again, both the previous incidents will come right back up with interest. And you still won't know what's going on. You'll still be "eaten up" by your own story about someone else's behavior. Because, make no mistake, right now it's your story alone that's eating you.

Quote:
Anonymous User wrote: View Post
Time away did make a difference and made me think that it could have been pain and totally unrelated. That is the benefit of thinking and having the time to do it. Maybe i just made a rushed decision to believe that it was directed towards me when it wasn't. Maybe it was directed at me. One thing is sure. If there is a next time i will question them as far as what they meant if i hear anything like that again.
I wouldn't wait for the next time. Talk to this person now, and listen to what they say.
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