Re: How do you deal with.....
Both times this happened it was right after i got up and , or, did not "get it" when practicing with this person. I am a white belt wit two months or so and they have been red since i started. I do not think that this person was cursing at themselves.
I should have said excuse me right then and there tonight and that probably would have ended it but i did not.
No negative feedback from anybody else other than you need to do this and do it this way which is to be expected. I can handle being told i am not doing it right and this is how to do it. I will even bow after that out of respect for trying to teach me. That is not the issue.
Sofar it is just this one person and it has happened twice since i have been there and i have been there two months. I do not want this to blow up. It is their frustration for me and not mine that caused this person to say that.
Reason my confidence is knocked a bit because of previous trauma prior to starting aikido and the way i was brought up.
I am not confrontational and am afraid of hurting people in the dojo so i go slow and try not to hurt them. I try to get the technique though but i really do struggle with some of the red belt moves even after having done them now for a few hours.
Maybe i am just expecting too much of myself and they are expecting too much of me as well. I am in no rush to get red. I want to know this stuff and i could care less if i stay white all the way to black belt. This matters not to me. Sure it is nice to see progress but i am doing this to learn.
In the beginning every time i got a new partner there would be different things shown to me it seems. Some tried to just show me the basic shomen uchi ikkajo osae ich with not too much emphasis on the legs. The next time it was wrong since i did not do the correct legwork. So i try to do the legwork right and then find out that i am not extending Ki on the hand and turning it in towards center. Most of my issues where just being taught bit by bit the right way of doing it and i can see that now. But i still don't get some things.
I just do not want to think about this person critizing me like that and that is what that was, i think.