Oksana, definitely not my cup of tea either. I agree about desiring to have full control of your opponent...it is definitely the ideal situation of where we want to go. We do need to consider the whole spectrum of violence versus control. One end of the spectrum we have no control on the other total control.
On the end of "no control" our choice are limited by any number of factors and the objective is to gain control. That requires a certain violence of action that I think Krav Maga does a fairly good job of inculcating the instincts necessary to take decisive and violent action.
I think this video does a good job of demonstrating several phases of a fight from the initial processing of what is happening, to the eventual decision to engage quickly and decisively. A great example of her processing what is happening and then in a split second she takes decisive and violent action. Her actions overwhelm her opponent and he ends up in the fetal position and his "plan" was foiled. It is not until his buddy arrives again that the situation changes again.
So, did she demonstrate adequate control or not? Was her choices ethical? did she hit the limit of control and exceed past that? what if the "buddy" had not shown up, at what point might she have stopped?
Sure what you study is a personal choice. But in a fight, or SD situation your choices are typically limited. For me, it is not about style or preference, but about surviving, turning the tables, seizing the initiative, and gaining control. KM IMO does a good job of training the willingness to engage in a fight at the decisive moment. It provides a certain conditioning process that many simply are not willing or capable to do as our societies and human nature is has conditioned us to not do this. So, I think it is not so much about choice, but understanding the limits of the choices or control we really do have in violent encounters.
I think the better understanding we have of the complete spectrum of violence vs control the better informed we can be when we do have choices.
It could be that someone with different training might have responded differently and maybe executed a slightly different strategy. Maybe the smart thing was to let go of the purse, maybe she was lucky the buddy didn't club the crap out of her. I will agree with that for sure! We don't know and it doesn't matter to me, she made a decision and moved out on it. Decisions are like that in the spur of the moment and we make the decisions we make with the information we have at the time, and we certainly default to the level of our training!
I certainly believe that KM practitioners will train in a narrow band of the spectrum of control/violence...however I would also submit the exact opposite narrow band is also trained by others in arts like Aikido. One end typically assumes no control/violence...the other end typically assumes high degree of control/less violence. (At least in how they are trained...that is pedagogy). Most certainly we spend a great deal of time in Aikido on termination criteria and constrained use of force. I very important part of the spectrum as well.
However, KM also addresses a very important part of the spectrum that typically must occur first before we can constrain our force, and it is that point of the combative environment that they do very well.
For me, it is not so much about it being a personal choice, but recognizing the realities. I think this is true probably even more so for a small woman that has lost the initiative and is behind the "eight ball". I can appreciate it not being something that you are comfortable with, but I recommend to anyone serious about SD to spend sometime in this area.
It can certainly be intimidating and a huge cultural shock walking into such a seemingly testosterone charged "go, go, go" environment. I also appreciate that people learn at different rates and different ways, and the KM method may not be for everyone! I think that is really what is key here. I also don't think that someone needs to "master" a system such as KM to gain these insights. You could spend a few months or a year doing KM, then move on once you feel comfortable that you have a better understanding of your "set points".
Again, not my cup of tea getting kneed in the face from a thai clinch 3 days a week repetitively! Mastered that, time to move on!
I'd just make sure that if you have a concern in SD that those that care, spend at least some time "pressure testing" your "combative nature" to "fight back" if necessary!