Re: Dead end?
I'm emotionally overwhelmed by the number of replies.Thanks to all of you.I feel really heard here.
To answer some questions:
First thing I would like to settle is the ukemi thing.What I meant is for the lack of better words just any rolling/jumping ukemi.I really want to work on that but it seems my teacher doesn't encourage me to do so.He often says that we should do the typical ushiro ukemi slowly.Maybe he is okay with anything else but only say ushiro because not all can do a mae ukemi.
As a person I really like him.He is a good guy and one could say he is a rolemodel i.e. he is always gentle,forgiving and calm.
To me it all comes down to the thought "Am I wasting time?"
We have a nidan senpai,he really is what I would like to be.They have been training together for years like he says and the relationship is more than healthy.
I have scheduled a few trainings in the next weeks in a few different dojos (different style,organisation,same organisation etc)
It's not that I don't feel right with the philosophy
Aikido for me is pure love.Whenever I practise it I just feel peaceful and right.I love to just watch videos for days,read all the news,read all the books and so on.I'm concerned that something could spoil this love.