I have greater access to the people who are shaping my aikido than I did back in the day. I know more advanced practitioners than I did. I have much broader perspective than I did 20 years ago. I'm past (sort of) the rote learning of techniques and am in a place where I can do analysis of the art in a context a little bigger than just waza. I have frequently put myself in situations where my aikido has to work, good times, that.
Maybe you have mentioned this before, but I'm wondering if there's an event behind your Aikido renaissance, so to speak? It looks like you've been around since 2004, but are now referring to reprogramming and worrying about having to abandon the whole project. Aikido schools, traditions, philosophies differ widely. Even the nomenclature is different. You've probably noticed how advice that's good for some may be terrible for others, depending on how they train.
Has something changed in your outlook? Switched dojos or styles recently?