Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido
To me your development in Aikido seems normal. Most people find some techniques easier, and lose faith in themselves from time to time. it's difficulties that actually advance us, not feeling confident. on the other hand, Aikido shouldn't be totally frustrating either. It is difficult to assess yourself in Aikido, two years is just the very tip of the ice burg. For starters, you might want to ask your Sensei his/her thoughts on what you may need to work on. Mainly Aikido means accepting change. Which is easier said than done. It seems you're particularly hard on yourself, which is a good thing for Aikido development. What I'm saying is, your trauma may not be the main reason you're facing "uneven development". Just a thought. Based on what you said. I think I understand the "giving uke a holiday" comment as a common, if not ubiquitous, part of Aikido practice, especially among beginners, not letting uke be off balance throughout the technique. That's not to say trauma is irrelevant, just that, it's unclear to me how it's impacting you. As long as you continue to work hard in Aikido, you will improve.