Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido
Don't forget, you can tell your sensei or a senior student you trust that this is something that makes you tense, that you'd like to gradually improve in a positive way, without needing to give them any explanation or justification for why you feel that way. If they're respectful they'll try to be helpful without prying too much.
They presumably know a lot more techniques and exercises than you, so they may have some ideas that might be helpful.
To be honest if they're observant your sensei or some of your fellow students may already have noticed or suspect that you're uncomfortable with people in your personal space - it may be less of a secret than you think.