I don't like being touched, that is correct, but it is hardly the strangest thing anyone has ever done, and I am not phobic about it, I just don't like it. I have directly discussed my issue with men I have dated before we became lovers, just not beyond that because I don't like being seen as a victim. I function normally in terms of employment, and have managed to take care of myself quite well without assistance from anyone. Additionally, I don't see how having multiple people know about a trauma is particularly useful for them or for me. Would I be capable of discussing this with someone else, of course, but I don't see the need to. I also have seen how many people react to victims, which is immediate pity with no regard for what the victim has done since then, or immediate blame. I don't feel that either of those reactions would be particularly helpful for me, which is why I don't discuss it with friends or family. I don't wish to discuss it with my Sensei because I feel it would change the dynamic of our relationship, which I am very happy with. I do not want him to feel sorry for me, nor do I want him to encourage me to sit out of certain techniques because I am uncomfortable.
I can see a lot of "I don't want to's" here...do you know what you want to do?
I am saying this gently...I think you probably posted on here because you want some insights...
It is the start of a new process and is good...have you thought about what you do want?