You have been dealing with touch issues for 15 years, you have not been able to directly discuss your issues with sensei, friends, nor family for all that time, and you feel that you have to resolve some of these issues in the next couple years so that you can improve in aikido?
I don't like being touched, that is correct, but it is hardly the strangest thing anyone has ever done, and I am not phobic about it, I just don't like it. I have directly discussed my issue with men I have dated before we became lovers, just not beyond that because I don't like being seen as a victim. I function normally in terms of employment, and have managed to take care of myself quite well without assistance from anyone. Additionally, I don't see how having multiple people know about a trauma is particularly useful for them or for me. Would I be capable of discussing this with someone else, of course, but I don't see the need to. I also have seen how many people react to victims, which is immediate pity with no regard for what the victim has done since then, or immediate blame. I don't feel that either of those reactions would be particularly helpful for me, which is why I don't discuss it with friends or family. I don't wish to discuss it with my Sensei because I feel it would change the dynamic of our relationship, which I am very happy with. I do not want him to feel sorry for me, nor do I want him to encourage me to sit out of certain techniques because I am uncomfortable.