Re: Rape Survivor and Aikido
The only way to change the present experience from being a replay of an old tape is to act in a manner that is mutually exclusive to the established behavior. Your training can be this opportunity that will push buttons, be scary, etc.... The opportunity to move in a new manner that results in a safer, more secure outcome changes your present and future.
As a psychologist and martial arts instructor, I use this awareness to help some very brave students create a new present and future. In absence of a teacher with a high level of awareness as to what you are going through, I would look to supplement your current training with some work with a therapist who is relatively intelligent about the nature of your training. Good Luck!
ps- Today is only yesterday's tomorrow....