While I agree with some of what you wrote you seem to becoming from a place of fear. I think that the practice of Aikido creates a peacefulness within which in turn we can project to the world.
The issue of self-defense can also came from a place of self-acceptance and an acknowledgment of the conditions at hand, always allowing room for adaptation, considering the circumstances.
I think it comes from a place of fear in the same way looking both ways before you cross the street does. It's not fear, it's awareness of possibilities that exist in reality, not fantasy