Thread: Cold Sensei
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Old 05-25-2013, 08:44 PM   #31
"Anonymous"
IP Hash: 725508d3
Anonymous User
Unhappy Re: Cold Sensei

To answer your questions, at first I stayed quiet and hoped it would pass. When I figured out that it wouldn't, I did bring it to Sensei's attention. I got no direct answers. Just a lot of vague responses about how this is how things should be. I let it go again. I tried to be patient and adapt to the new situation, again hoping that the situation would settle into something more comfortable for me. I love Aikido (the actual practice) and I feel attached to that dojo. Things kind of came to a head after Sensei made a number of underhanded comments off the mat that may not have been directed at me, but I took personally. I brought it up to Sensei again and was basically told to talk to my sempai about it and to not contact him directly any more. So here I am, talking to you guys
Maybe he has decided the only way to teach is to keep students at arms length (with exceptions :/ ) now. Maybe I did something that angered him somehow that he felt he had to do that but allowed me to stay on as a student. Maybe he has personal things going on and is unknowingly allowing that to affect things on the mat. I can't know because he won't tell me.
I don't think it is affecting how he teaches me. I do think it is affecting my ability to be taught by him. I take criticism personally and I get angry instead of being able to just listen.
I wish I was less attached to how people treat me, but I'm only human.
The answer has been staring at me and I don't want to acknowledge it. I flip-flop between deciding to stay and just train and deciding to leave. I'm wasting my time and his time by being there because I can't accept this change and keep learning. Maybe some people can do it, but I don't think I can learn from a Sensei that treats me like a stranger.
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