I want the confidence to be able to defend myself but I also want to be able to help others as well.
That's the bottom line for me too. And, over time, pursuit of the former, as a fellow student and later a teacher, opens more and more opportunities for the latter.
One pragmatic, ethical thing that Hakkoryu addresses, that I wish was the norm not the exception in martial arts as a whole, is the notion that helping others should include the ability to mitigate, and within reason address injuries that occur in one's dojo. After all, injuries are possible, if not likely in any physical activity, particularly in martial arts that stress sport and/or self defense. If, for example, you're going to repeatedly apply torque to others' joints, and expect them to take copious hard ukemi, you better know how to treat the inevitable toll such practice will take on people's bodies.