Re: relaxing during technique - how?
Have your partner hold your arms up for you.
Place your wrists in their hands and then relax your arms in their hands like you are resting your arms on a table. If your arms don't just drop to your sides when they remove their hands you need to relax more. The person who is holding your arms should randomly drop your arms. Practice letting your arms feel heavy and relaxed in their hands. When you can do this every time (let your arms drop to your sides naturally not put them there) ...you have become more relaxed.
You can then relate this to technique because you are developing a relaxed feeling.