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Old 02-24-2013, 06:03 PM   #17
Location: Massachusetts
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,181
Re: No-one wants to practice with me

Cady Goldfield wrote: View Post
Yes, we're adults. And yet, I have seen this behavior at other dojos and was even subjected to it. Adults can act alarmingly like overgrown kids on the playground.
Sure, they can, but (digression alert) do you think this is typical? I don't know myself, but I tend to think not. I'm pleased to see the advances that we're starting to make in recognizing bullying in adolescents and children for what it is, and I recognize that it's something that many adults dealt with as kids and then carried that pain into adulthood. Still and all, I'm sometimes a bit concerned at what I see as a new tendency to view so many behaviors through this filter. If the shoe fits, by all means wear it. If it doesn't, though, are we perhaps giving new life to old ghosts by viewing so many things as vestiges of kid bullying, instead of addressing the present reality?

Cady Goldfield wrote: View Post
I wasn't stating that this is how the OP's dojo should be run, nor did I say that the round-robin method of training will cure a dysfunctional dojo (and, I agree with you that the OP is describing a dysfunctional dojo), but it may instill civil behavior. These people apparently were not taught basic manners and inclusiveness as kids, and perhaps the rote "forcing" of civility will at least cause them to wear the veneer of civility.
I agree, if they're seriously that childish, it's a place to start. A good stern one-on-one talking-to by sensei also seems in order. Honestly, I'm completely taken aback at the description of the situation. At my dojo, it's a pretty strong convention that you never train with anybody twice until you've trained with everybody at least once. We disregard this in some situations (for example, when there's a brand new newbie and only one person senior enough to train with them in a safe and helpful manner), but in general it's Just Not Done that you'd skip over someone to train twice with your "preferred" partner.
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