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Old 10-15-2002, 12:03 PM   #29
opherdonchin
Dojo: Baltimore Aikido
Location: Baltimore
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 586
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Quote:
sometimes if we don't take things to heart, we miss a chance to learn something very fundamental. this person at the heart of the conflict seems to have mastered not taking anything personally, not criticism from sensei, not feedback from others. he is disconnected because staying connected puts him in a ego- vulnerable position. it's these disconnected people that i don't know how to handle other than to out-wait, out-manuver, out- politic, over-power. this puts me back in the cycle of violence. i could apply machievelli and sun tzu and use politics to drive him from the dojo; that would be effective. it's a question of intent, how far should one be willing to go before simply leaving becomes the more ethical option?
I really enjoy your perspectives, oh anonymous coward.

You seem to want two things at once. 1) to win, in the sense of changing the way this other person behaves or getting the dojo to be how you want it to be. 2) not to win, in the sense of not over-XXXX the man and not having forced or coerced him into anything.

Like before, I wonder if there isn't some mileage in separating these two desires and pursuing them independently. Let the part of you that wants to win and change the dojo realy pursue that without holding it back. Let yourself notice and be aware of the things you really feel will be effective. But, also let the other part of you, that is looking to be compassionate and understanding and humble and open and doesn't want to win express itself as well. If you don't put these two sides of what you want into conflict, I think you may find that they don't actually contradict each other very much at all.

Yours in Aiki
Opher
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