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Old 10-14-2002, 07:02 AM   #17
G DiPierro
Location: Ohio
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 365
Anonymous coward wrote:
Giancarlo: would escalation not be a pretty high risk of your strategy? do i not also risk turning into this person trying to emulate them? when the abused, try to "look like" the abuser they assume abusive properties (in fact people who perpetuate domestic violence were often victims of it before). sure i might wish to be so strong and powerful, but lose control and empathy at the same time. i have no wish for my aikido to look like his.
Yes, there is a real risk of "looking like" the abuser with this strategy. There is a real risk of actually becoming an abuser yourself. I don't know if it is possible to avoid doing so. I'm getting into some dangerous territory here, but this may be a neccesary step in learning to see things from the perspective of the abuser well enough to be able to address the root cause of abuse. However, I don't think that this process actually creates anything that isn't already there. If one does become an abuser, then abusive strategies already existed, probably below the level of one's awareness.
have been pondering this -- person has over ten years experience more than me, outmasses me by a factor of 50% can't take him at my skill level in aikido. could end problem tomorrow with any number of violent options.
Such as what? Walking in with a gun? Picking up a jo and breaking this person's legs? Would you be willing to do this to save your dojo? I'm not saying that you neccesarily have to employ a physical strategy here, only that it is one way of approaching this. It also happens to be the one that this other person took, and so far his strategy seems to be uncounterable.
is building a political faction to boycott training with him, and/or tell sensei explicitly that we reject training with him, aiki? Politics may succeed where blood spilled does not. but what would my relationship with sensei be after such a confrontation, which challenges his authority to run things as he sees fit?
One way to look at it is that your teacher has chosen to let this person stay. He might have very good reasons for doing so. Perhaps he sees something in this person's Aikido that you and the other students do not. I would try to find out what this is. You could go to your teacher and explain that you do not feel safe practicing with this person and that you no longer wish to do so. If he says, "fine," then encourage others who feel the same way to go to him and do the same. If he says, "no," then try to find out what value he sees in having you practice with this person given the risks. Either way, you are putting him in a position where he has to take some responsibility for this situation.
could decide to narrow my focus to explicit self-preservation, not care that people around me are getting hurt, say nothing, refuse to train with this person, and keep on training. what kind of environment would the dojo be if everyone took that attitude?
Actually, if everyone was looking out for themselves and preventing their own injuries, then there wouldn't be a problem. However, because kohai are inexperienced, senpai have to take some of this responsibility for them. In that sense, you have a responsibility to protect them, but you first need to find an effective strategy of doing so.
i would appreciate hearing more stories like Kevin's about analogous situations of conflict in the dojo and how they ultimately resolved.
Well, I could tell you stories from the other side of a conflict like this. It's definately not as clear-cut as it seems. In one sense, the posters who said that this situation is the teacher's problem are right, because I have found that the fundamental problem involves the teacher more so than the students. What happens with the students is, for the most part, just a secondary effect of the teacher's behavior. I'm not going to say a whole lot about this in a public forum, but in my experience, problems with the students are inversely correlated with my level of communication with the teacher. If you are willing to contact me privately via email, I could go into more detail, but since you have posted anonymously it would be difficult to verify that the person contacting me is the same as the orginal poster.

Last edited by G DiPierro : 10-14-2002 at 07:07 AM.
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