Are we? To me the essence of the Crum story as related by Mary is that clarity in communication (each person defining what they wanted the orange for) would have led to a better outcome.
Is that also the essence of what Mary followed with in her take on uke/nage? Not really. The essence as I read that paragraph is that training is best when uke and nage share the same traits (intent, commitment). This is different from the Crum story in which two parties' traits (goals, desires) are different but woukd have been solved by clear communication.
So I hadn't realized it until formulating my reply to Chris, but now it appears to me the OP is sort of a non sequiter in that the upper part does not logically connect to the lower part. And maybe that's contributing to some of the oddness of much of the ensuing discussion! :-)
Well, a smack in the face with no pre-amble is communication too - and very clear. I don't think, however, that it's the kind of communication that she had in mind...
I don't think it's that much of a non-sequitur, the communication in the Crum story would have been solved by clear communication - but, sadly, that isn't always the case.