Well, that play back and forth is a big part of what it's all about, IMO. I mean if someone grabs me, my goal is to connect, control and/or throw. If I connect to them and start applying my strength to take control and they're able to connect back to me, then chances are they're going to find a spot to push me off my center at some point, if they can. They may not be able to though, even if they can connect back to me. There are so many potential layers to that back and forth based on the skill levels or disparity of skill levels.
What Chris said.... there is a difference between connecting to someone and having someone connect to you - too many focus on the former and not the latter - it all starts will you and it all stays with you - the control comes from them being a part of you and not you becoming a part of them - you don't look for control; it just comes as part of their connection to you when you become one; which is you