Well, that play back and forth is a big part of what it's all about, IMO. I mean if someone grabs me, my goal is to connect, control and/or throw. If I connect to them and start applying my strength to take control and they're able to connect back to me, then chances are they're going to find a spot to push me off my center at some point, if they can. They may not be able to though, even if they can connect back to me. There are so many potential layers to that back and forth based on the skill levels or disparity of skill levels.
I would say that the attempt to form the connection in the first place will tend to get you into trouble. Connections form - but it's almost (or entirely) a function of what you're doing inside yourself.
Yeah, it's a little bit of a head twister...