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Old 08-27-2012, 09:40 AM   #35
Janet Rosen
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Re: talking and listening

Kevin Leavitt wrote: View Post
So do we accept the role of benevolent parent? That is, based on our skills, maturity, insights etc. Do we assess that the "other" might have less skill, knowledge, maturity, ability, responsibility...
In other cases we could be dealing with an equal. That is we have a real need to try and reach common ground and find a way out that is mutual. I think these instances are probably rarer than most...
I think in some cases compromise that is completely equal is not possible and we must make a decision about what actions we are going to take.
I think that budo is about gaining the wisdom necessary to make tough choices in these situations and realize that sometimes there is no one right answer.
That's where quick assessment is so important - and I would say this holds in ANY situation, in the dojo, in a patient's home, on the street: adversary or not? (if so, risk level?) (clearly in most dojo or patient situations it is unusual but it's not unheard of!) - level of competence/equal or not? - dealing in "good faith" or not? etc.

In a situation where someone is at risk, one takes immediate necessary appropriate action, whether it is de-escalating the situation, leaving, calling Adult Protective Services or hitting somebody upside the head with a 2x4.

To return to the OP, which was talking more about dojo stuff, normally there is not an adversarial relationship, attack notwithstanding. There is a shared mutual goal of good training, a lack of desire to actually hurt one's partner, and hopefully also dealing with the other person in good faith.

Janet Rosen
"peace will enter when hate is gone"--percy mayfield
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