Re: The way others see you
Wow, thank you all for such sincere responses.
It's interesting that we're talking here about types of pressure; I've been picturing it like strings connecting us to the others around us that we have a substantial relationship with. Pulling in different directions with different strengths depending on the time and circumstance. For example, if I look at the others I'd been training and grading with from the start (which wasn't so hard since we're equally consistent and there's enough time between them), there's the pull onwards to match each other (definitely a positive force), but also a pull to grade alongside each other as a show of support and solidarity when the time comes to step forward.
Then of course there's the string to the teacher(s)/student(s) you're connecting with. The pull there isn't forwards to some day in mid-year where the grading will be held, it's to each moment where we work together intensely, like we're communicating and gauging each other far more than just with words or adjustments.
As for not rushing the process, just enjoying it... you guys are absolutely right. It was never about the level on paper when I started, all I wanted was to be there in class and learn, and that should never ever change. I suspect a kind of tunnel vision is creeping in that needs to be checked. At the end of the year I'll receive my work posting and be send somewhere that probably quite remote and too far from an aikido class. I love the way grading sharpens your focus and send you deeper, so I think I'm trying too hard to suck out every bit of experience I can before being sent to my metaphorical death.
Chuck, your comment struck yet another chord. I've never been here before. Maybe this is where 'aikido off the mat' comes in, since these things only come up when I'm not training. The sweetness to it all is in this moment, not the one coming later.
If only the head would follow the heart sometimes!!
Lyle, thanks but you're giving me too much credit! When class is on I'm there; I never actually face the moment of decision.
Jørgen, how are you coming to terms with facing the pressure from your students now that you're teaching? Would this be the same if you weren't at Shodan level?
Last edited by LinTal : 05-04-2012 at 08:02 PM.