Re: My aikido is at the crossroads
This situation is common in any dojo and you need to be careful about how to deal with the situation.
1. If same rank or sempai, it is reasonable to put the same level of intensity that they are putting on you. I'm not yudansha but have been practicing decades and I have decent ukemi. I've experienced a lot of yudansha just because they're wearing a black belt that they can throw you intensely but complain when it's their turn to get thrown the same way. Pretty unfair I should say, maybe this is one of the instances the color of the belt matters. Methinks they as nage should'nt throw how they throw if they can't take it when it's their turn.
2. If lower rank, you need to be careful how you deal with them especially the beginners. What I do is "teach" them proper technique. You normally get hammered because beginners are usually rushing the techniques. When it's my turn as nage, I intentionally slow down the technique and stress the important points by body language and expect them to follow the same. If they still rush, I remind them to slow down and follow proper form rather than rush. In extreme cases, I tell the person directly that the technique is rough and I don't have problems telling them this. Remember, it is your body and you need to protect it always no matter what. If they complain, you also have a right to complain.