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Old 03-25-2012, 07:33 AM   #38
David Maidment
Join Date: Aug 2008
Posts: 149
United Kingdom
Re: What would you do? (Older male teacher with young female student)

Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
If you knew someone who was in a relationship and you believed that relationship to be abusive, what would you do? Possibly nothing. But possibly you would do something -- talk to the person that you believe is being abused, express concern, listen carefully to the answers, offer information on resources. You wouldn't be obligated to do any of that, and to some people, that would make it "none of your business". Other people see it differently.
This is a huge problem; the leap between 'older man and younger girl' to 'abuse' of some kind. I know you're not necessarily implying it, but we could infer abuse from any relationship that we don't approve of; I don't see any relevance for that being raised here.

The OP has told us both that nothing illegal transpired and that they are now still in an enduring (and from his disgusted description of the couple, happy) relationship. He has said nothing whatsoever to suggest that the sensei in question was ever anything other than decent.

And with regards to age of consent, Jesus... I don't even want to get started on that one. I agree; young people can't make informed decisions, but then most people don't really reach the level where they can until they're well into their thirties, at the very least. But it's also true that, when a child makes a decision, they know damned well what they're doing (if not being able to realise the full repercussions of their actions) -- we're far too comfortable as a society to strip children of any responsibility for their actions. So that issue is probably best left untouched, if no 'age of consent' laws were broken.

Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
Damaged how? OP posted anonymously, gave no hints and named no names.
I'm more worried about him saying or hinting at these things not-so-anonymously in the local community or even around peers, students or sempai of the sensei in question. He seems extremely angry and under those circumstances it is very easy to let slip with an off-hand remark.

If he has a genuine concern, he should speak to the police and provide them with evidence that something illegal has transpired. If not, he should let other people get on with their lives and just accept that people will willingly make decisions that he may consider bad ones.

Mary Malmros wrote: View Post
At the most basic level, every person has the right to say, "I don't want to be around this" and walk away.
What bothers me is that he has went beyond doing this, to say "My older daughter now entering her teenage asked me when she could join Aikido; my face fell. This is killing me; I love the art, but the culture that accepts and enables this repels me."

Why has no one taken issue with this? I could be wrong (and please correct me if I am), but it does not seem the case that he has considered finding a dojo for his daughter where people that he approves of teach, but rather that he's associating what he considers predatory and somehow-immoral behaviour with the Aikido community as a whole.

"Never escalate a battle unless forced to do so by your enemy" - Zordon
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