When I first started training, all the senpei in my dojo were very nice and gentle to me. But I wasn't aware of that, until that one guy joined us from other dojo.
However, since I'm tiny in size, most students in my dojo are very gentle to me, they don't want to hurt me. But this is hindering my progress. I think it is a waste of time dancing with people on the mat.
Recently, I started training with new beginners. There are several girls and one guy. I was very gentle with the girls, but almost in full strength to the guy.
P.S. as for the safety of beginner ukes, I thought instructors need to do more in this area.
First off, as a blue belt (usually 4th or 5th kyu in most places I've trained) you should not be blaming you sensei for you inability to work with newcomers. That is something you have to develop and yes, it is very hard to figure out!
Now, the basic problem I see here is this: You are whining that people don't throw you hard because you are female YET you to the same other woman. You think that behavior hurts women (lessens their technique/ makes it less of a self-defense class) yet you willing do it to others. Seems like hypocrisy to me.
I'm avoiding the 'are woman as good as men' argument completely; its bs and I am not going to give it credit by arguing against it.
On the training aspect, I have a lot of experience as a female athlete and aikidoka so I'll speak there. First off, if you want people to throw you hard, attack hard. A LOT of ukemi is how much energy you put into; that being said people can be malicious and make you take a breakfall. Usually the later is considered 'being rough' and is what females feel they are missing.
I've found a very, very simple solution to this problem. You want thrown hard? Well, make people realize your attack is real and they have to deal with you or they will get hurt. Yes, that can be an easy recipe for an injury so start off slow. Learn to punch. Not just theoretically, I mean find a punching bag and lay into it.
When it comes to training newbies, I obviously do not suggest you punch them in the face at full force. Judge them by their size and personality more than gender. Boys and girls that don't come in knowing how to punch get a crash course with me for example. But they all get reminded if I could start harvesting organs from them. (My main thing I try to install is not to lean over someone you just threw. I kick very well after playing soccer for years; I'm sure other attackers can too.)
Sure I'm rough as hell on the new kids- I'm that way with everyone and I want the same back. At the same time, I'm very social and always make sure to tell them after class that they did well (if they did) or at least worked hard. And it makes me proud when a Sensei complements them on having their hands active on day one and they can say, "She showed me that."
I feel like I am helping them out rather than handicapping them by their gender.