I was doing iriminage with a female black belt from another dojo. I did it very gently. Yet she still complained about how I grabbed her neck. She told me not to do that again, which I didn't. But now I wasn't practicing. However, when it was her turn to practice, I noticed that she was now being rough with me! Pay back! I thought to myself "you gotta be kidding", but I just laughed internally.
I recently had an opposite experience while visiting a dojo for a seminar. I partnered with a young man less experienced than me for iriminage. I learned the variation many yrs ago of cradling uke's head toward my opposite shoulder (vs. grabbing the neck) and it has become my default version as for my body type and movement pattern is seems to "fit" best.
He became visibly tense and upset and let me know this was not the way to do it and he didn't want to have his head manipulated as he didn't want to be injured.
I was momentarily taken aback, murmured that it was a standard way but I certainly could and would do it another way. I switched to the neck grab.
I had a negative reaction inside BUT I knew that was MY issue, not his, so I made sure when the instructor clapped and we bowed out to specifically thank him for communicating so clearly.