Re: Still On The Fence
It's strange but different types of frustrations inspire different emotions. Personally, the fact that 'perfect' aikido is so elusive is a significant reason for me to keep coming back. It's finding another little clue to make my aikido better that gives me the greatest joy, especially in hindsight.
A few of your comments here seem either vague or contradictory, I think a few people have picked up on this. It may well just be that typing's tricky to get across a person's intentions, maybe! Collecting experiences in this very broad area (eg. 'martial arts', philosophy', 'self defence') will help clarify your preferences and stance though, so don't worry about it to much at this stage. It will be easier to recognise and define when you find something that clicks, that just feels right, that makes you realise you've found what you've been looking for.
All the best for your new class! For your sake I hope that it is quite challenging for you, but only in the most wonderful way; that's where the element of personal growth comes to the fore. Please keep us updated on how it all goes!